Found the way

.......the way was, finally, almost clear. I sensed the light of hope coming from somewhere, with which I can fulfil my desire, desire of being responsible. It was the time when my graduation was about to finish, to decide what to do further was little tough. To achieve what I want, I had no other choice and the one that is "MOVE AWAY". I started looking for universities somewhere out in the other world to go as far as I can go from my  parents, which, indeed, doesn't mean that I don't love them. It was just to make my self independent, I wanted to go way far. From choosing the course till application of visa all went like a jet in the air, no one realised that it actually happened. Standing at the airport, about to say bye to my parents who held me hand since first day of my life, happy enough to live my desired life but cried deep inside. The ones who cared, the ones who fulfilled my demands, the ones who cried for me when I cried, why am I running away from them. WHY ?, and now I don't have the answer.

After reaching England, spent few days meeting new people, suffering from the weird whether, where it rains one day and bright sunny the other day. In addition to the joy, there was bad feeling deep inside. I think I was missing someone, yes I was, and they were parents. The exact 15 days after the day I moved away from them, it was a special day for my family, when I came into this world, my birthday. In my whole life, this was the first time when I will be celebrating my birthday when my parents weren't there, or I won't celebrate. Yeah, I didn't celebrate, I was there online talking to them on skype, they wished me and slept. Whilst talking to my bhabhi, i started crying like hell, the feeling was very bad. I had no one to celebrate with, all alone in my room on my bday, no one to wish, no one to sing happy birthday song and no one to spread cake on my face. The day was the saddest day of my life I can say. I wish no one will see this day in his/her life, because miserable to me it was. Soon I went into my bed and couldn't sleep for hours.

The following 15 days were bad enough to make me move out of the accommodation. The place where I moved, satisfied now I am. Feeling of loneliness has almost gone, now I am enjoying the company of friends that I have and can enjoy it for long. HAPPY ENDINGS, but the life is still moving it will never end.

hitches in my life

I lived my quality life with my parents, heaven for me it was. In addition to the deep love and care, I was getting spoilt. Forgetting the way to live myself, was addicted to live dependently. Depending upon the gods of my life(parents), I started forgetting "what I am". the answer for me was clear "Nothing". Discussing about this became the subject of regular argument with them, leading to nothing consensus. As life passed on, dependency increased, which I hatted deep inside my heart. They believed I am too small to take responsibilities, and my belief that I am too old and have nothing on my head. Since childhood, I desired to be accountable, and responsibilities should be dropped on me. But no, my father, my mother, wanted me to enjoy the life. Realising that I am getting spoilt seems its not their business. but I always fancy to stand on my own. Trying to involve myself in some matters, which shouldn't be, became my hobby. Many a times I demanded to be involved, which might help me to understand things. Things which should be limited to them only. But my desire was to become responsible.

Having a older brother proved to be helpful to me, irrespective of the problems that I faced being younger. My parents always trusted him, and always says that I am younger so have less knowledge, to which I agree every time and never complaint. But deep inside I still not agree, as they don't believe me. For them it was night if my brother says so, even if it is morning, but they never believed me. As they see me as immature.

Intended to do something to eliminate this, but failed every time. I had no solutions, and it all lead to confusions.

And months and months passed to find a way out.................................................................

Changes

life is dynamic
which changes every day
some people hate
some do love
those who hate
still they love
some gain friends
and some lose
it is really hard to chose,
you struggle to be loved
and love to struggle,
which makes you cry
and the heart deep fry
In the end, some1 will fail
some1 will pass
which is sometimes slow
and sometimes fast
no matter fail or pass
this helps to realise
what mistakes you've done
or what you've not done
In the end, you just love
the way you are
no matter what you got
and what you've not got....